Some of you know my story – And some don’t.
(Big areas of deletion before this part of my life.. that is another story.. so lets begin where the change began..)
I went to learn NLP in 2002, thinking I was going to learn about other people and their personalities.. and the journey I went on was really about finding myself and sorting out what worked and what didn’t in my life. But lets backtrack a bit first.
We had moved to Tauranga from Auckland in 1998 to give the kids a better deal – they could walk to school here, and there were great outdoor activities, less traffic and better weather – we thought Tauranga was a better option for bringing up children than Auckland. And it is. But moving from one city to another doesn’t fix all your problems. I brought most of them with me.
My children were 5 & 6 and I had been in full time employment in Auckland – and most of their toddlerhood they had been in care. It was great care – but I wasn’t really a hands on parent for most of their early years. Don’t get me wrong.. I was a doting mother when they were little babies, and needed me.. but as they grew and got their voices and personalities.. it was a challenge. Both my parents were dead, and I didn’t have any family support or advisers. Some of you will know that my mother-in-law had her own issues and helping us and our kids wasn’t on the agenda.
Moving to Tauranga I had a part-time job and had more time for them. But I wasn’t a good parent. All the behaviours I hated in my mother, I seem to embody; shouting, hitting, screaming.. the anger was enormous, and the affect on them sad to see.
My work grew to full time but my job became intolerable – I had an emotionally abusive boss, who delighted in belittling people and even made your good qualities a problem for them. I loved the work, but she was a cloud over every day. After 2 years and a particularly horrible experience with that boss, I resigned and went into what my husband calls.. an emotionally reclusive time. I started working for myself as a mobile Computer Trainer/ Help Desk person and enjoyed the change. But I still was still the angry person I had always been.
My children were at a great school, and my husband’s business was growing.. and I loved the interaction with the people I would visit and teach them computing and sort out their computer issues. Often we would end up talking about other issues.. It was very therapeutic, and I wanted more. At the time I was also consulting with small businesses about computing needs and a particular job brought me into contact with a lady who had done NLP Training. She told me about NLP, and I became interested to know more. I contacted another Master Practitioner in town, and I said I was interested in learning more about human psychology – she said, “you will learn more quickly how to change people with NLP than any university course”. I was sold. I signed up for NLP Practitioner Course and began my journey in October 2002 with Communications Plus in Auckland. Each month I travelled up to Auckland for the training.
It was after the second block on that course that I came home and said to my family.. “that’s it.. from now on I am changing… I will promise to work hard on being a better person, better mother, and better partner.” I stopped yelling, screaming and all the emotional outbursts, and began a new way of being me. I wasn’t always 100% successful at this.. but I persevered and my behaviour changed.
I decided to stop smacking and found new ways of creating consequences for ‘unacceptable behaviour”. I learned to apologise for my own poor behaviour, and found some new ways of dealing with my angry past.. The interventions we did in Practitioner Course were ideal for this. I received Practitioner Certification in 2003. Apparently Mark and Eileen had laid bets that I would finish my questions first.. they were right! (What does that say about me?)
After Practitioner Certification I began offering one-on-one therapy work, and enjoyed it. I continued working as a Computer help person/trainer but slowly moved towards more and more NLP work. Initially I wasn’t planning on continuing with the NLP study after Practitioner, but then one day I realised I wanted more.. and Master Practitioner gave it to me.
After a fabulous intervention in Master Prac, I began charging appropriately for my time, and began to make a reasonable living. I had overcome the issue of “not charging enough” as I had some beliefs about “money and helping” being incompatible.. Getting that sorted was great. An unuseful belief had been changed. One of many on that journey. I received Master Practitioner Certification in 2005. Oh, and I learned the power of metaphor!
By 2005 I had made a lot of changes in my life. I had learned how to manage my issues in a more useful way, and decided that to change I had to be honest with myself and face issues instead of running from them. I wanted others to see that they can also change, so I started teaching NLP concepts at night school with fabulous results. Over the last 5 years I have continued this and have the reward of seeing other people change, develop and grow, over that time. Some continue to come to new courses I design, and some have become great friends. Some have even gone and done NLP Practitioner for themselves! I have received 2 awards for teaching, and continue to learn more myself which I can pass on to the students.
Now you may be wondering about the children… Alex and I got to know one another better from 2003 onwards, and have become great friends. What a lovely kid he is, and I didn’t really know it before then! He is now in his final year of a BSc and is planning to continue to get his Masters and on to a PhD in Physics.. he plans to change the world… (I know he will!).
As for my feisty, kinaesthetic daughter Candice, we worked out how to get on better – she has a strong will and I needed to respect that and work with it instead of fighting it. She has developed into a delightful and a fun kid. Not being so strongly academically inclined, I helped her realise that life is more than just what we do at school, and that life continues after you leave school.. She left after the 6th form and scraped through to get NCEA 2! (phew) – (my decision she left) and worked for me for a year doing office work and other jobs that came along. She also learned to do practical things like cooking, washing etc to get her ready for the year ahead. She enrolled into Film School (Auckland) and this year began her one year Diploma of Film & Television – she is loving it. We have a little Producer/ Director in the making, one that is getting 90% plus in her studies. She is a wise kid, and I have learned to teach her through metaphor.. direct telling does not appear to work for her. Recently she and I were chatting, and she stated ; “Mum, you might not think I am listening – but it does go in”. Candice says everything as a statement!. She is an adventurous kid, underwater hockey, mountain biking, scuba diving, and this year she did her first Sky dive.. and loved it.
As for my relationship with my husband Mike.. it continues and improves with age. We will celebrate 30 years marriage next year.. and it doesn’t feel that long. He deserves a medal for perseverance. Now the kids have gone off to Auckland (from whence they came) to study, we have found a whole new relationship evolving.
And that is another story.
