Some people respond very automatically, nearly all the time. This automaticness is usually unconscious, ie. they do it unthinkingly. Some automatically will say “NO” or give a “polar response” – (the natural opposite to what you are saying), or automatically give a counter example to something you say.
This metaprogramme is called the “Difference” metaprogramme, and is not in agreement with you. However, because it is so automatic, it may not be a very authentic response on how they actually feel about something, but is more likely to be a habit or behavioural response.
I noted this behaviour with my husband recently, when he automatically agreed with me then went on to give the other side of the story. Very noble you may think.. a well balanced chap. Hmmm.. but when I stopped and noticed this behaviour, I then asked.. yes, so with both sides to the story, which way do you lean or feel more inclined toward? He didn’t know! He was so used to seeing both sides, he had not made a decision either way, and could not verbalise how he actually authentically felt about it.
And to make matters even more interesting he didn’t note to say “it depends”. He just was so used to doing the both sides thing, that he was sitting on the fence.
Hmmm… how automatic is your response? What do you really feel? What fits with your values and beliefs? Or are you always on autopilot out of habit.
Zoe Wilkinson
This fence sitting auto piloting is so me-its finally doing my head in. I have always thought this made me espcailly a good person, a clever person – always the balanced one.Well actually it makes me a nothing- no views that i sit with squarely. I now havent a clue who i am
For clues – next time you want to autopilot – stop, ask yourself how do I really feel about what was said.. do I have any emotional responses or am I reframing for the other person’s benefit, (like a good therapist)… Do I actually care about what is said… is it purely accademic or have I not really thought about my position on this. You see, we all act from our metaprogrammes (filters of personality), but if we are keen to change, we can examine our reactions/behaviours to find out what we really believe. If anything.
If there is no ‘charge’ maybe we don’t have a particular stance on the subject. It is worth checking tho’.